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September 15, 2002 21:07
My ex girlfriend dropped by today for a few minutes, to visit while on her way home from elsewhere, and to pick up some stuff she left from the last time she visited. Everything was cool, nothing was awkward. We chatted for about 30 minutes, then she left. And as she was driving away, that's when it happened. I suddenly felt empty inside. I have NO idea why. Nothing has changed. I wasn't sad to see her go, I didn't really want her to stay. I figure, that for all the problems we had, our relationship filled an empty gap in my life. We broke up, leaving that gap open, but I wasn't concerned at the time about keeping it filled. I suppose today, walking back inside after watching her drive off, I felt the emptiness. I suddenly realized that I was alone. Not lonely, just... alone. I still have no desire to date. I had no desire to have her back. I don't really desire anything. I just felt really weird for about 15 minutes.
But life goes on. And while I was pondering that feeling, I suppose I felt that my life wasn't really going anywhere. I managed to hide that fact from myself, but its true. I have things I need to be doing. And I'm simply not doing them. No time like the present I suppose.
But anyways, enough ranting about that.